First off I would like to acknowledge that this post is way over due, my apologies. On the bright side, it will most likely be another novel. So you’re welcome to those of you who enjoy my stories, and to those of you who would rather listen to radio advertisements than my anecdotes, well, this website is really not for you then is it? Here we go!
I left Sydney in a Qantas airplane that easily was the same size as the plane I took over the Pacific Ocean; and it was pretty full. So I guess there is high demand in flying from Sydney to Melbourne. Anyways, I landed, got my shuttle ride to La Trobe University and was greeted by the jovial and fun-loving Meaghan, international student rep for Glenn College, my dormitory (the dorms are called colleges here, and there are 3 on campus: Menzies, Chisholm, and, the best, Glenn). As I have so well demonstrated, there is a huge rivalry between the colleges, and some people even give you the stink eye (or a black eye…) if you wander to their side of campus. I arrived Monday evening, got a bit situated and then had a good long chat with my two RA’s, Paddy and Claire, as well as another RA, Lizzy, and Nick, also from the UC system and my roommate for the weekend in Sydney.
No one else had really moved into the college yet; it was only the international students, and I was the only one in my unit (the main door off the hallway opens to a common room with tv, couches, and kitchenette aka sink and mini fridge. A corridor from the common room reveals shared bathrooms and six single bedrooms. Now that everyone’s moved-in, I am the proud suite mate of three first year Australians (Aaron (Vaguey), Tom and Mike), and two third year internationals, a Swiss (Manny) and a Russian-turned-Canadian (Nick). All great guys!
The first week was filled with events for the international kids; seminars, etc, one of which taught us how to speak Aussie English, which, funny enough, was aimed at kids speaking English as a second language and was completely useless for me and Nick, except for a couple of a laughs during and after the presentation. If not at international events, or getting a free barbeque lunch, we, Nick, myself, and two girls also from the UC, Kealoha (say Kay-aloha) and Kelsey, wandered around the campus and took the 40 minute tram ride into the city a few times.
Tuesday night was our ‘Harbour Tour’ aka Booze Cruise for all the international kids (note: this cruise was also a uniform party, so there were sailors, cops, referees etc) and drinks were really cheap so we all had a great time! The rest of the week’s nights were definitely not as rowdy as Tuesday night, except maybe Thursday night at Father Flanagan’s Irish Pub… 9-10pm is Power Hour… $20 for as much as you can drink in the time allotted. There was a live band also, and they greatly appreciated the lone four Americans cutting a rug out on the dancefloor!
Sunday was move-in day for all the first years, and the first day of O Week (orientation week). In Australia O Week is a week of, yes, getting to know your fellow college residents and taking campus tours, etc…It is also a week of complete debauchery. Each night is a different theme party: Uniform, Scribble (wear all white, write on people with a sharpie marker whatever you please), Retro Sport (80s workout), etc etc. A very good and humorous friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, though I am sure half of the people reading this know him/her, once told me, in jest, that his/her time in college “is a joke.” After the first O-Week party, the scribble party, I left him/her this message:
“remember when u said 'seriously, my life is a joke.' ? ? ?
today we had orientation at my res hall, and just like a floor meeting.... an RA walked in with a bag of wine and made people do lay-backs, aka lay on your back and chug from the bag for up to 30 seconds. we then went to an icebreaker... where we were told to strip down to our skivvies any time we hear "forget about yo boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room" ... and then we crawled on all fours with eyes closed making farm animal noises. and then we wrote all over eachother in permanent marker.
your life is a joke? please come down unda and realize the truth.”
Yes, all events cited did in fact occur. And yes it was hilarious. And yes I would do it again today. The next night was retro-sport, and the night after that we had a pub crawl, starting close to the city’s edge and working our way back to campus by way of four featured watering holes. Along the way we sang many a degrading song about the Menzies College, as well as many, many, many other innuendo-ridden melodies. All this singing of course took place on a packed tram filled with both belligerent college kids and the general, and I am sure fearful, public. We each had a laminated card on our person which described where we would be heading for the night, and certain antics that must take place at each venue. For the first pub, we needed to perform a one legged skull, aka chug your drink for 30 seconds while standing on one leg. Done and done. Various other rules applied to the whole night. My favorite was the army man game. We all received a toy army man, and upon hearing a whistle at any point during the night, you had to stop whatever you were doing and imitate your army man’s pose. Also, if someone happened to drop an army man in your drink…automatic SKULL! Down it man! Obviously it was a night of hilarity, frivolity (thank you GOF), and dignity (or lack thereof). The blokes had to remain at the first pub while the ladies migrated to another venue for “Lady Antics,” which of course have remained completely confidential. After about an hour, we guys were out on the move, and arrived at Father Flanagan’s, after a small pit stop in a dark alley way to heed the call of nature. At this awesome little Irish pub, only one rule reigned: drink only with the left hand. Get caught with the right? SKULL. It took me three times to learn my lesson. Some others were not as lucky. After a bit we headed to the final pub, Stolberg’s, for some late night cocktails (like we needed them) and some dancing aka looking like idiots. The night ended in a cab ride back to campus and some light night fodder in the unit by way of top ramen and grilled cheese on our George Foreman knock-off. Tastes like college right?
So went the rest of O-Week until Wednesday night, when the university, and my college in particular, suffered a horrible tragedy.
One of the residents, just a first year, took a nasty spill on the third floor landing of one of the dorm buildings and sustained fatal injuries from an 8 meter fall. We were told he passed away on-scene before arrival of emergency services. It was very sad day for the entire community, and just an absolutely devastating accident. Count your lucky stars that these things do not happen to us on a regular basis…acts as a simple as walking down the stairs can turn into a nightmare in the blink of an eye. The rest of O-week was cancelled out of respect. Rest in peace Jarrad.
To get away from the gloom over the university, the RAs organized a lazy beach day a few days after the incident. We headed into the city, to a neighborhood in Melbourne called St. Kilda. It is very much a classy mix between Venice and the Santa Monica pier and promenade, and it was a beautiful, hot day. Never fear, I did bring and wear sunscreen this time and was well protected. One thing about swimming in the ocean that I always forget about is that it’s salty. It’s actually really foul, nothing like that fresh alpine taste of Tahoe! After some sun, we met up with yet more UC kids who are attending the University of Melbourne, which is in the city. We got some Portuguese food and just hung out on the main strip of St. Kilda, exchanging stories from the past two weeks, and commenting on differences between American and Australian culture, the biggest difference of which is dance. No one freak dances in Australia… it’s a hard concept for us to get haha! Like, wait, we need to actually dance? We can’t just sway? Yes, it may seem like the end of the world, but it’s actually really fun and you can look like a total idiot and it’s alright because so does everyone else. Haha
So that brings me to, don’t say it… SCHOOL. As some of you may not know, I have in fact been on vacation since December 10. When I arrived in Sydney, winter break did a 180 and became summer vacation and I am so sad to report that summer vacation is now over and I have just completed my first week of school. Not that its intense really at all. At least my current schedule. I have one one-hour lecture on Monday and Friday each. Nothing on Wednesday. Tuesday is the worst with three hours of lecture and a three hour lab. Thursday consists of one two-hour lecture, which our professor told us will end early every week (yes, the class meets once a week. Once. Una vez.) and the discussion for that lecture is later that afternoon. That’s it. With my old schedule I was taking nearly double the amount of hours, so needless to say, I dropped the class. Haha, well really I dropped it because of false advertisement. The class is called “Australian Fauna and Ecology”…which sounds awesome right!? No. It’s actually entomology (the study of insects) which sounds awesome right!? No. We have to go out and find bugs, catch/kill/preserve/pin them to a board for a large portion of our grade… Honest to God, I thought this was really cool. BUT, this capturing of insects must occur outside of class. Outside of the EIGHT hours we are required to show up for. This was my first WTF moment (for the uninformed crowd, WTF is modern day lingo for ‘what the fudge’…think Christmas Story). Oh, and you can’t just catch any bugs. No, no, no. Twenty five different species, fifteen of which must be a unique Order. Yes, this was my second WTF moment. Oh, and pinning them? Don’t mess up because, well, you might fail the project for, oh, say breaking a wing or a leg. WTF. Third time’s a charm and I dropped the class like a hot potato and picked up a class on Australian politics, culture, and history. I think it was a good move. I am also taking Intro to Microbiology, which is currently being taught by a middle aged woman definitely suffering from hot flashes (which got us out early today, so yay for menopause!) and I am taking Intro to Aboriginal Studies, taught by a woman who is actually an Aborigine! Imagine that. I am actually really excited to start school again. Lectures have thus far been pretty interesting, and I think it’s going to be a great semester.
Last night was Thursday, the first uni night of the semester at our on-campus pub, the Eagle Bar. The Eagle is a really cool place, huge dance floor, beer garden aka outdoor patio, as well as a huge screen for viewing sporting events, most notably the 5-3 preliminary victory of USA over our friendly neighbors to the north. We Americans were well outnumbered by the Canadian exchange kids, but that didn’t stop us from belting out some “USA USA USA” chants! (No mention of the gold medal game will be made.) Anyways, uni night was last night, and it was packed with kids. Lots of fun. The good people of Jim Beam were there promoting, and I won a ton of prizes for beating this game they had (it’s a metal rod with a circle on the end, and you need to guide the rod along a metal wire as it makes turns and curves, and if you touch it, it will buzz and you lose). Well, I won! Haha on my sixth try, aren’t they nice? So I won a football, a pair of Jim Beam logo aviator sunglasses, a deck of cards, a lanyard, and a photo with a Jim Beam Party Girl hahaha which unfortunately also includes an obese Asian man who jumped in at the last minute when the Polaroid got taken. Ah well. Life can’t be perfect, right?
I think that may be all I have for now. I joined the mountaineering club, and today we went indoor rock climbing in the city which was a lot of fun. We have a big weekend trip coming up in two weeks out in the Victorian wilderness, which I am thoroughly excited for. Bushwacking, hiking, kayaking, rock climbing and mountain biking. Bring it on Aus. That might be my next entry, unless something really awesome happens before that, which is a definite possibility in this sunburned land. Many thanks to Vaguey for scaring me shitless just now by sneaking into my room! Jesus Christ. Good night all! I hope everything is well back home, or in Europe or Africa or wherever the hell you are whilst reading this!
I am stealing Liz White’s idea of a small language lesson (copyright E. White) at the end of my post. Start learning these because I will say them when I get back!
Howyagoindeek-ed? (Say: How ya goin dick head?) = Hey friend, how are you these days? (note: deek-ed is not always used, in fact it is quite rare. Usually just say howyagoin?)
I reckin (Say: I reckon) = Yes, I think so/I think that.
Hoooorooooo (Say who-roo) = Adios
Goon (Say goon) = boxed wine, which is a college kid’s godsend at only $10 for 4 liters…a fifth of cheap vodka is $25…
Doona (Say doooo-nah) = comforter, like on a bed.
Lemonade = 7up/Sprite… if you want what we call lemonade you say lemon squash
Grouse = awesome/cool… not a gamebird
Dax = pants
Thongs = sandals/flip flops
Jumper = sweatshirt
Singlet = tanktop
Biscuits = cookies/crackers
Tea = dinnertime
Heeeeeeeey? = Sorry, what did you say?
Lolli = candy
Had a big one, didja? = Did you drink a little too much last night?
Skull = chug
Banarnar = banana
Toastie = grilled sandwich
Sanger = sausage
Footy = aussie rules football. Soccer is soccer. American football is gridiron.
Mackers (Say Maccas) = McDonalds
For the science majors, bacteriaphage is pronounced bacteriaph-AHH-jjjj and I laugh everytime my professor says it because it sounds like she’s gonna end with Fahja.
I think that’s it for now. Sleepytime. Thanks for reading guys, and I will try to post more often so that it’s not all at once. Take care, I love you all!
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