Third Time's the Charm: Stories from Chapel Street

Well folks, the time has come for another installment. I don’t know how much I have to fill you in on…uni has really slowed down because of SWOT-VAC and exams (Study WithOut Teaching VACation). Tomorrow is in fact my last exam, and in two days I move out of Glenn, which is incredibly depressing. But enough of the melancholy, you all read this to laugh and chase away the Monday blues, so I will try to keep this one as upbeat as the others.

I noted on my calendar where I left off with the last blog, and jotted down notes of what I did, how much I drank, what substance I abused...you get the idea. Well according to my calendar, this entry should start on May 12th (yea, been awhile). May 12th was one of the final sports competitions of the semester between the colleges. It’s a bit like intramurals except the team is made about three days before the competition, you train once (maybe twice) and then compete. So far we have had swimming, hockey (field, not ice, surprisingly…which is also a boy’s sport down under), and footy… I think that may be it. Menzies, as is usual, is currently in 1st place, followed closely by the Glennies, and last (and surely least) is Chisholm. May 12th was the tennis competition, to be followed by a Menzies Tight and Bright Rave and our Glenn White Night (similar to Golf Pros and Tennis Ho*s, for those wondering). The games started as soon as the sun went down, and we, the spectators, watched, screamed, cheered and drank, surrounding the three adjacent courts around a ten foot high chain link fence. One side of the courts featured a nice selection of fluorescent loincloths and sports bras, and the other, a wide range of white clothing items, including bed sheets, tea towels and short shorts. Keep in mind May is their equivalent to November…I’d say it was about 45 F, and windy. Really windy.

Sadly, Glenn lost to Menzies (that’s all we really care about, Chisholm is not really competitive). That did not stop us, however, from still celebrating in the Rec Room once the games were over, and we danced like idiots into the wee hours, and then came back to the units and I made Easy Mac, which, I am happy to report, was deemed ‘the best thing I have ever eaten’ by one of my mates. Basically I am Gordon Ramsay, what can I say? It was quite the compliment, if you want the recipe, please don’t hesitate to ask, sharing is caring. I have no idea what happened Thursday night (the next day); meaning it’s been too long and I don’t remember, not that I was passed out in a coma somewhere. Probably just went to the Eagle, you know, got a jug or five.

On Saturday the hoodrats headed into the city to one another girl in our program’s house and we had a nice little party before heading out. At the beginning of the night, we had every intention of heading to an area of the city we had never been to before: Chapel Street. But, as we should expect, a series of interesting events prevented this from happening. Here we go.

Before leaving the apt, someone got a small case of the spews. By ‘small’ I mean several episodes.

We then missed our intended tram.

Next, we met some Aussies around our age, who were much drunker than we, and we tried to convince them we were Australian also. That lasted for about two minutes. They then tried to pretend to be from Texas. That fooled us for maybe a syllable.

The tram arrived, and we all got on, new found friends included. We have video evidence of trying to teach the Aussies how to speak Texan. At the end of the video, Nick (fellow EAPer/Californian) yells at us all to get off the tram.

DISCLAIMER … you may want to avoid the next paragraph if you are squeamish or severely judgmental …

If memory serves correct, this was the wrong stop. So we again waited for the tram. The tram came, and while riding, the spews plagued one of our members again, and we rushed off the tram ‘before anyone could notice.’ Yea…like no one noticed the river of spew making its way down the aisle as inertia pulled it toward the driver… Gross? Yes. Hilarious? MOST DEFINITELY.

So at this point we sort of gave up on getting to Chapel Street, as it was close to midnight, it was cold, and we had someone vomming everywhere (to be fair, it was finished after the one in the tram) and another someone unable to walk. I reckon we made the correct decision.

We were pretty close to Danielle and Alex’s apt so we decided to just walk. We made a pit stop for some grub, got the evil eye and some not-so-nice words from a sloshed 65 year old woman, and then continued on our way. Upon reaching the apt, it was time for bed for one of our members, and the rest of us decided we would still like to go out. The decision making skills are just…wow, top notch, don’t you think?

We waited for a good 20 minutes in the cold by the tram stop, and passed the time by posing for photos on the tram tracks, sprawled out spread eagle. Really artistic, actually. Someone then got the idea to check the tram schedule posted 5 feet away. The final tram is scheduled for 1:30. It was 2:00. Bummer is right, my friends. Officially crushed, we went back inside for a sleep.
Such was our first attempt at Chapel Street. This entry will reveal two more attempts. Stay tuned to see if we ever make it…

Tuesday was probably just a Stolly’s night, but Thursday was FLOOR CRAWL. Floor Crawl, aka Sunshine Party (don’t ask, I don’t know the correlation), was probably one of the funnest/funniest nights (most fun? I tell you, my grammar has indeed gone to shit) I have had in Australia. Basically, each floor in the college has its own party; each floor is responsible for providing one drink (at least) for every member of the floor, and an activity. Each floor also has a theme, and costumes are not only encouraged, they are required. Our theme is Cowboys and Indians (feathers, not dots).

All the cowfolk looked great, as did the Indians, dressed basically as ‘Pocahontas meets Village People.’ As my observant friend from back home noted “You could never wear that costume at UCLA....the Native American student union would kill you.” Well, political correctness is not one of Australia’s main concerns, and when in Rome… I reckon I wasn’t as bad as the guys down the hall that dressed up as Indians (dots, not feathers), including painting their bodies brown. But yea, the night was awesome. Each room had some form of alcohol, most notable were cowboy shots, goon punch, and jelly shots (really JELL-O, remember the Aussies call it jelly…). Afterward, we met up with all the other Glennies to go to the Eagle (everyone still in costume), and wreak havoc on the dance floor. Halfway through the night I realized I was covered in cinnamon…? Like, hair, arms, neck… Still unsure of how that happened. And I was obviously not too concerned about it as I woke up the next morrow still covered in it.

Saturday marked our second attempt at Chapel Street. The hoodrats flocked to the city and we met up with the crew at their apt for some goon and juice. By the time we could be bothered to go actually outside, we couldn’t be bothered to tram and train it all the way to Chapel, so we settled for nearby Persa (Perseverance) for some classic pop and rock. Getting in proved to be a little more difficult than the last time we were there. First of all, I would like to state that we were being perfectly polite, not crazy and belligerent like some of the 17 year olds behind us. We even made some friends in line (Timmy and David), and they recorded a really nice video for Danielle’s mum. Top blokes, for sure. By the time we got to the bouncer he told us one of our members ‘was obviously intoxicated,’ which, let me tell you, was completely false. So he gave us an ultimatum: the rest of us go inside and he waits 30 min, or we all wait 30 min and then go in. So we did what any good friends would, we left, and went to another pub (albeit a very creepy one), got a beer each, went back to Persa and walked right in. I guess we were less intoxicated after the beer, good to know.

The next week was positively shocking. None of you may be able to believe it, but I swear it is the stone cold truth. I was sober for six days. I know, pathetic, right? I finally broke the fast and we headed to…. wait for it….. CHAPEL STREET. Nice old Irish pub with a contemporary twist, live band, cheap drinks; pretty good night, I have to say. We got a cabbie to take us back to the CBD (central business district, downtown area where we catch the late night bus). There were five of us and he would only take 4 UNLESS someone ducked down on the floor. Guess who drew the short straw? Yup, yours truly. When I poked my head up to see where we are I was yelled at by the cabbie…not a very pleasant man. After some well-earned Maccas, we took the night bus back and then huddled together for warmth on the way back to the dorms, which is kind of a scary route. Not much lighting, lots of possums. Treacherous, really.

The last sports competition of the year was baseball, and the warden of the college, a baseball fanatic, asked me to play, knowing I am American. Just gonna take the time right now to state that the last time I played organized baseball (maybe even unorganized?) was in 5th grade. I told this to the warden, Mick, and his reply was “Oh, you’ll be right. At least you’ll know the rules.” Fair enough, Mick. Fair enough. That’s half the game after all, isn’t it? So I played baseball. Struck out once (shocker), but otherwise hit a double and a single, not too shabby. We beat Chisholm easily (11-0), and crushed Menzies (10-4)!! Amazing win, Mick was thrilled. Most kudos goes to our pitcher, who played all through high school in the East Bay. We didn’t have to work too hard in the field. Favorite part about playing was at the training the night before the game when Mick explained the rules…best question: “soooo can you just chuck it at the runner to get them out?” Against Menzies? YES.

From here on out, things have been pretty slow. Big nights here and there, Kuhloha’s 21st bday was this past weekend and it was lots of fun. We actually had a whole week of celebration, ending with a Power Hour and night out at Persa on Friday. Otherwise it’s just been exams so everyone has been studying. BORING. My first exam was my microbiology practical, in which I had to perform all the techniques we did over the semester..sorry if this is gonna be a really boring story but I just want to tell it because I seriously am the luckiest kid alive…

Anyone ever prepared a gram stain? Well, if not, a gram stain is a process in which you have a bacterial smear on a slide and you dye it using pigments and chemicals, the end result of which is to see if the bacteria on the slide are gram positive or gram negative. This difference is only in the cell wall; I’ll spare you and not go more into it. If you are just itching to know, Wikipedia is a great resource. Ok, so we needed to make a gram stain using a colony from a plate, and also one from a broth. I HATE making slides from broth because the concentration of specimen is much lower than that on a plate, and for some reason I always accidentally wash off the slide while preparing it (part of the prep calls for an alcohol rinse; this is to shrink the cell wall and trap the dye; you also need to rinse the slide with water in between steps, so really it’s just a lot of flushing). So after the first rinse I go OH CRAP because I can clearly see the smear just wash right off the slide. This happened the last time I did it, and my professor, Anna, said to “just go with the flow because sometimes there will be ‘clingers’ and you may actually get a really nice stain.” Keeping this in mind, and the fact that I was too lazy to prepare another one, I just continued the prep. When I looked on the clear-as-day slide under the microscope and searched around, I literally found the FIVE cells that didn’t get washed off. Five beautiful, pink and red, gram-negative cells just sitting there in a nice little chain, ready for my demonstrator to give me top marks. GREAT SUCCESS.

So after that I was just … elated. It was a welcome confidence booster after I nearly burned my eyebrows off trying to light my burner while striking a match with trembling, nervous hands. Yikes. The theory exam for microbiology was next, and I reckon it went pretty well. Some multiple choice, essay questions, diagramming. Aboriginal studies was next and it was 60 multiple choice, (A, B, C, D only, btw). I finished in 20 minutes, along with 75% of the other students), and I went back and looked at my answer sheet after finishing and counted 25 D’s. TWENTY FIVE… out of SIXTY! Lots of ‘all of the above’s, hopefully. After consulting with friends in the class, I found out that they too answered ‘D’ to nearly half of the questions. Tomorrow is my last exam. It should be fine. Fingers crossed.

I am in Australia for only three more weeks. It has been an absolute whirlwind, and I cannot believe it’s almost over. The last three weeks will be spent in Queensland on an epic, coming-of-age late 90s/early millennium teen movie style ROAD TRIP. We are flying into Brisbane, staying in Noosa (apparently a posh celebrity hot spot..who knew), then off to Fraser Island, the world’s largest sand island, home to fishermen, four wheel drive vehicles, and a healthy dingo population. From there we’re driving up the coast to Cairns for Casey’s 21st bday, then off to the rainforest for a few days in Cape Tribulation. After that we will drive back down the coast to Airlie Beach and embark on a 2 night yacht excursion on the Great Barrier Reef, taking full advantage of the situation via snorkel and scuba. Afterwards it’s just a matter of driving back down to Brisbane for my flight back to Melbourne. The driving will be roughly the distance of Santa Barbara to Seattle, and back. Quite the adventure; cannot wait. It is perpetual summer up in Queensland, and the best time of year to go is during the winter months (July thru September), during the dry season. We absolutely cannot wait, and be sure that most of my time spent on the 17 hour flight back to California will be devoted to chronicling the trip.

Even though I am really bummed about leaving, I am very excited to come home and see everyone! See you all on July 14th, my mom and dad are throwing a kegger!! A five dollar donation to the Save Callie’s Bladder Foundation is encouraged, but not required. Love you all!

Fun Facts and Vocabulary
Chicken Parmigiana is called parma (mainly Victoria) or parmy (mainly New South Wales) (say pahma, or pahmee), and it is EVERYWHERE. I’d say it’s our equivalent to a club sandwich. A lot of pubs post a sign that says “pot and parma special” or something like that. But it is everywhere. Pubs, cafes, mall food courts. It is also a bit different than ours. The chicken is more like bologna, in that it is ground up and then made into a large loaf; it is then shaped, breaded, and fried. After that it is smothered in marinara (*note, marinara in Australia is a sea food pasta. I am referring to the marinara of America), cheese is spread on top and then it is put in the oven to melt. Some places add a layer of ham on top of the schnitzel (schnitzel is the piece of breaded, deep fried chicken-loaf). I have had one..it was about the size of a small child. It was good, but I have definitely had much better back home.

Hungry Jacks = Burger King .. the menus are pretty identical (whoppers, etc), but there are original items, such as the Aussie Burger, which comes with the lot (veggies, egg, and bacon).

Turkey cold cuts are really expensive ($27 per kilo) so I usually just buy ham or shaved chicken. All my shopping is done at Coles, and it is a great place. Basically the Lucky of Australia. Loaf of multigrain bread for $1.80. Bag of carrots for $1.29. Kilo of celery for $2.50. What more could you want?

There are ten police officers of Asian descent in the whole Melbourne Police force. TEN. Not sure how many cops there are total, but the greater Melbourne area supports a population of about four million. So the force must be pretty large.

Underbelly is a television series about organized crime and the drug trade, and the corrupt cops that kept it under wraps and financially benefited from it. It is mostly true actually, real people’s names are used, etc. At the moment, ‘The Golden Mile’ is on air, which details Sydney’s Kings Cross district, a haven for drug lords, prostitution, etc. The first season was all about Melbourne, and was actually banned in Victoria because of its portrayal of the city’s underworld. A lot of cops are currently in jail because they got found-out, and Ant and Becks (a radio show I listen to in the arvo) just had on their show one of the most prominent whistle-blowers at the time. She was the single reason a lot of the corruption came to light, and just really a brave person; nearly killed twice trying to do the right thing…while pregnant. One of the main guys involved in it all was just found murdered in a solitary confinement cell a few weeks ago…obviously the corruption and infiltration of the force continues to this day.

A pram is a stroller. I just watched ‘Hook’ the other day, and Robin Williams also called it a pram...so maybe it is said America as well? However, I don’t think I have ever seen a sign in America that denotes a parking spot as for ‘Moms with Prams Only.’ They can be found at grocery stores, shopping centers, etc. Australians will also call it a stroller, but not a buggy. In Switzerland, however, they do call it a buggy (sorry if that sounded random, one of my unit mates is Swiss).

A dummy is a pacifier/binky/schnully.

Aussies drink cordial (say cor dee ull). It is a concentrated juice to which you add water, or the alcoholic beverage of your choice, in order to dilute it. It’s pretty much like Kool-Aid or frozen concentrate. I don’t really like it. At all. It’s ridiculously sweet. But we used it for our Floor Crawl punch, and that worked out well, so you know, it has its ups.

Nothing is made with corn syrup, since Australia doesn’t really grow much corn. The sweetener in soda/lollies is cane sugar or glucose syrup. So there are none of those ANNOYING anti or pro high fructose corn syrup advertisements. And according to a pediatric endocrinologist at UCSF, neither form of sugar is more or less as likely to influence childhood/acquired diabetes or obesity. It is just the amount in which they are consumed, and since HFCS is in much of a typical person’s diet, it is looked as THE cause of obesity in America. I would also like to point out that Australia is, by percentage, more obese than America. Granted they do have less than 10% of our population, and if you go to Disneyland, or Texas, the amount of fatties to be seen may cause your own arteries to clog, but still. We aren’t the fattest nation!! Haha

“to crack the shits” = to go crazy, in an angry way; Example: On mad taco night, Dad cracks the shits.

“to shit all over” = to be better than. Example: A home cooked meal shits all over college food.

Pharmacies are interesting. Anything on the shelf has to be natural, herbal, organic. Anything with a chemical/medication/alcohol is behind the shelf. This would include cough syrup, cough drops, pain meds, etc.

“jokes!” = just kidding!

Voting is compulsory in Australia once you turn 18. You can be fined if you do not show up to the poll.

Australia is in a “drought.” I can safely say it has never rained nearly as hard nor as often in San Francisco or Los Angeles than it has here in the past few months. Absolute buckets of water.

I will be time traveling to get home. My flight out of Melbourne is at 11am, I connect in Sydney, and then soar out over the Big Blue at about 3pm. This is on July 14th. I arrive at SFO at 10:40am, also on July 14th. Gonna make up for the day I missed flying over. I will never know what February 10th 2010 would have been like.